Truly the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love the music, the smells, sights, and sounds. I love spending time with family and eating delicious food. And I love how everyone becomes a better person during the season. There is something about celebrating the birth of our Savior that makes everyone a little more Christlike during the month of December.

People are focused outward more than they are the rest of the year, and everyone is happier because they're giving and looking to make another person happy. There's something magical about that.

I fell more in love with Cameron last Christmas than I had fallen for anyone before. Cameron knows how to Christmas. He still gets as excited as a child for the holiday, but it's because he can't wait for you to unwrap what he got for you. He can't wait to see how you respond to the thought and care he put into the gift. Last year he built be a bookshelf and gave me The Little Prince to put on it. When I went home that night I told my mom that if he asked me to marry him that day I would say yes in a heartbeat. I still said yes in a heartbeat a few months later.

This Christmas I've found myself falling even further in love with him. He has been so thoughtful and considerate (which I know isn't always easy to do with a pregnant woman), and he gets a sparkle in his eye every time he mentions the presents that are sitting under the tree, waiting to be unwrapped on Christmas morning. I know I'll continue to fall a little more in love with Cameron every day, but it's fun to see how that accelerates during December. Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year.

To My Baby

I am so excited to meet you. I cannot believe that I get to be your mother and I can't tell you how much I look forward to seeing all the amazing things you accomplish in your life. I find myself distracted a lot, always thinking about you. I wonder what you'll look like, if you'll have my nose or your dad's or a mix of the two. I wonder what your coloring will be, if my fair skin or your dad's olive will win out in the end. I wonder what your laugh will sound like, and what things will make you giggle. I wonder what will make you stare in wonder, and what will make you happy. I wonder who you will grow up to become. I wonder if I'll be able to help you there.

Often, I wonder if I'll be good enough or if I'm ready. Usually, those are days where I don't get enough sleep and the anxiety spikes. I find myself looking around our little one-bedroom apartment thinking that there's no way we'll have a two-bedroom and a place for your things by the time you get here. But honestly, that's not the most important thing. Things will work out more perfectly than I can plan them, even if I don't feel so at the time.

I can't wait to meet you, baby girl. Already I love you so much and I marvel at what you can do. Technically, you would be able to survive outside of me as of this week. I'd honestly prefer you come when you're scheduled, but it's comforting to know that you are grown and developed enough to make it out here in the world. It's amazing to me that I love you and want the best for you, and I haven't even met you face to face yet. If I love you this much already, I am excited to see how that love grows when you get here.

Love,
Mom

Announcements

We had our ultrasound on Monday afternoon. I was so nervous going in (nervous has been a relatively consistent feeling during this pregnancy) because I was terrified that they would find something wrong with our baby or that I would be disappointed in the gender or that my baby's heart had stopped (even though I had an appointment earlier that morning in which we heard the heartbeat loud and strong). However, everything seems to be good and looking good. I'm twenty weeks (I was 20 weeks and 1 day during the ultrasound), and our baby is measuring at 19 weeks and 6 days, so right on track. That was good to hear.

Also our baby is a girl! I am so thrilled. I'm a little worried that our tiny apartment will begin overflowing with polka dotted everything because, let's face it, polka dots are adorable and the baby won't be here for another five months! I'm so excited to see how Cameron is with our daughter. I just know he'll be the cutest and that she will be his princess.

I've had some heartburn, but nothing Tums haven't been able to soothe. They have been a lifesaver on more than one occasion, and I'm hoping that that truly is an indication of hair growth. But if our baby is bald then she will wear bows and still be adorable and lovable.

During the ultrasound we found out that my baby is head down (good news!) and facing my back (also good news, but also frustrating because we couldn't get her profile). We did get a sonogram of her feet, though, which look absolutely precious.

It was comforting to see that there really is a child growing inside of me. There is a reason for the sickness and the exhaustion that I've been dealing with. It's hard not to think that it's all in my head sometimes because it is so persistent. But totally worth it!

Also, my little brother is getting home from his mission TODAY! In four hours his flight will have landed and he'll be home. I haven't seen him (in person) for two years, so I'm thrilled that I'll finally get to talk to him again. I've been the worst at writing letters--I always am, with everyone--but I still miss him and look forward to having him home. Basically, between baby and brother, I've felt relatively useless today. My mind is elsewhere.

It's Been A While

Once upon a time, when I got married, I thought for certain that I would be a better blogger. But I still prefer my journal, apparently, and even with that I'm terribly inconsistent. I'm lucky if I write once a month. It's just so much easier to go to sleep at night. . . Anyways, I was wrong. And, knowing me, I will continue to think that I'll be a better blogger when such-and-such happens or when I get to such-and-such point in my life. I'm realizing that really that's not the way to accomplish anything. The best time to get things done is now when you're thinking about them (unless it's late and you have an enormous problem and you're sure that you won't be able to sleep until the problem is resolved and it just grows the later you stay up. . . I've learned that dinosaur problems have a tendency to shrink in your sleep).

But, exciting news:

A lot has happened in the past few months. I definitely didn't want my blog to read "I got married!" and have the next post be "We're going to be parents!" but that's what it is. And really that's okay because I did get pregnant pretty quickly and that has been a large reason for me not writing. Pregnancy fatigue is a real thing! And it's worse than regular fatigue because no matter how much sleep you get it's not enough. But you get a baby at the end which makes it worth it. I think.

Cameron and I are so thrilled at the prospect of starting our family. Come April 2nd we should be a family of three!!

I'm so grateful for the excitement people have had when we've told them. We did feel impressed to start our family immediately and I recognize that that's really fast for a lot of people, so I was worried that I would have to defend our choice, but people have been so happy for us. Which I love because, really, WE are so happy for us.

Pregnancy has been a fun adventure so far. I'm 18 weeks pregnant and have been dealing with morning sickness for about 12 weeks now. . . I'm ready for it to be gone and to start having the great second trimester I keep hearing about, but I'm also grateful for modern medicine. My doctor has put me on a medication for nausea that has been a serious life saver. It's the only thing that's enabled me to keep going to work.

I have had the craziest dreams. Some of which Cameron has been quick to point out sound like I was on drugs. But they certainly make for some laughs and good stories. And gratitude that life doesn't actually work the way it does in dreamland. Dreamland is a crazy land.

I'm pretty sure I've felt baby move (we don't find out the gender for another week and a half) and I'm excited for when I know for sure when I feel him/her.

I started wearing maternity clothes and let me tell you they are the comfiest things. I've always said maxi skirts are the sweatpants that are appropriate to wear to church and in public, but maternity clothing is even better. It's like the yoga pants of all clothing that you can wear outside and in public without anyone judging you. And I think having clothes that fit helps make me feel less fat and more pregnant (for the time being, anyway) which is great for moral.

Once Upon a Time. . .

Cameron asked me to marry him. I said yes, of course, and that's when our story began. I sort of dropped off the face of the earth because I was planning a wedding and finishing my last semester at BYU, but I think things have calmed down enough for me to actually write again. Perhaps. And perhaps I'll remain the worst blogger on the face of ever and this will be a one-post blog forevermore. I guess time will tell.

In the meantime, I might as well make this a semi-decent post. Married life. I'm hardly an expert because I've been married a grand total of ten days, but those ten days have been wonderful. There have been adjustments, certainly, but they haven't been as shocking (yet) as everyone has led me to believe. I'm sure those will come sooner rather than later, but for the moment being married feels like one forever-long sleepover with my best friend. It's sort of my favorite thing.

The hardest thing about being engaged was saying good-bye every night. So being able to say, "Goodnight, I'll see you in the morning!" is basically my favorite thing. I'm realizing that, though I claim to enjoy organizing, I get overwhelmed very quickly. But mostly just in our living room. It's cluttered right now with gifts that need homes, and there are a lot of things that need to happen before we put things away (one of the main things being opening up the boxes, haha).

I'm already realizing that I married one of the kindest and most generous men, and that is so comforting to me. Neither of us is perfect, and I know that our imperfections will become more apparent as time goes on, but we help each other out. It really is wonderful.